I AM naked…I’m just not drawn that way – 34
With the Jungle Book art I left the path of the cartoon art. For this final episode of ‘I ain’t naked’ I return to it, wanting to throw a spotlight on one specific artist.
Abner J Epstein (1910-1982), better known as Abner Dean was at his most active in the 1940s. I wonder if he would make a stir today *), but his views are highly original and the vintage look of his drawings add to the charm. And charming they are. Despite the oddness of his sceneries.
Hedonism stripped by Alfredo Sabat and Nadia Plesner
Still part of the series I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way, and the matching title for this episode should have been ‘I’m drawn naked because I’m just a piece of poverty shit’, but for the sake of search machine’s sensitivity I for once feature the names of two artists in the lead.
There are a couple of reasons why little African kids often walk around naked all day. They live in regions where the sun tends to scorch the clothes off your body. There are tribes where the grown-ups also don’t worry much over sunburned genitals because these parts got used to the battering of sun rays. Neither do they care much about what other cultures think of their ‘lack in modesty’. The Ethiopian Mursi, for instance. When these people dress themselves, it’s in body paint. The Catholic faith and a few others still have trouble recognizing the naked, body-painted Mursi as intelligent and civilized humans. Do they now. Strip the Pope from his clothes, and he’s just as ‘primitive’ and ‘barbaric’.
The other reason: kids from Africa (and India and Latin America) may be too poor to possess clothes and so weak from hunger that they cannot make it to the town’s square fast enough when first world aidworkers set up there to distribute western hand-me-downs.
I ain’t overdressed, I’m just drawn that way – 33
When Walt Disney made his version of Jungle Book, he sort of lost his marbles. Way off; his Mowgli & friends. When the studio tackled Burrough’s Tarzan, they hit bull’s eye. The tree-surfing sequences may be a bit too turbo (but jolly fun), otherwise the degenerated descendant of Lord and Lady Greystoke was spot-on: his predatory fast movements, his extremely pliable toes, his hair, knowing no scissors, naturally curled into dreadlocks.
But even the Disney Company yielded. Not to the public preference for plasticine cartoon over stark realism, but to morality. Kids should not see a man living like an animal naked.
I ain’t overdressed, I’m just drawn that way – 32
Fundamental puritans must have hated Rudyard Kipling’s Jungle Book. Or picked in exasperation a publication that at least featured a civilized Mowgli on the cover. He lived among the wolves from the days of his infancy, so it’s natural to see him in diaper, right? And once out of his toddler phase, he instinctively knew how to make a decent loincloth. …He didn’t? He was so lucky to be surrounded by gifted fashion designing animals, wasn’t he?
I ain’t pedo fodder, I’m just drawn that way – 31
Let’s irritate pedo’s and pedo bashers some more…
Well, some before me did. The cartoons they made are not suited for minors. One can even wonder if they’re suited for grown-ups. Pederasty is a touchy subject, ask Roman Polanski. Or one of the many, many clericals, judges, military prominence, ministers and royalties who never got arrested nor convicted for doing things with children they shouldn’t have because little kids aren’t structured for sex. Not psychologically, not physically.
I ain’t pedo fodder, I’m just drawn that way – 30
Comics and cartoons are often considered childish, and in general aimed at children. The most popular are not. Little Nemo, Katzenjammer Kids, Calvin and Hobbes, their philosophies go way above the heads of children. The works were and are made by people who grew out of their own childhood and try to get it back. Yet they do not create real kids, they cannot even recreate themselves. It’s ‘tainted’ by their adult views. Cartoons about kids is comparable with cartoons featuring animals dressed up and acting like humans. The characters do not hold up mirrors to us, the human adult artist does.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 29
I’m obliged to return to cartoon gays, even though I want to hurry on, but I also want to finish the series as complete as possible. No chickening out, now!
Before the ladies so elegantly interrupted, I dealed with a few male homosexual fetishes. There are more, of course. The Worship of the Nipple, for instance. People tend to forget men have nipples. Don’t ask me why. Some guys sport quite big ones. But don’t say they are completely useless. Nipples are ero-sensitive add-ons. Sort of micro penises. It’s no laughing matter: men can get breast cancer as well. Very rarely, but the drummer of rock group Kiss is a famous example.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 28
Hm, yes. The matter of women raping men always rings an inconsistent sound. But okay, it’s possible. What we see here, is a woman using a tool for walking the dog. Or letting the ol’ wagger in. Artificial penises, dildo’s. One doesn’t want to know how much money this business generates. And how many men buy them.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 27
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And this is the worst episode for men, so far…
There has been the odd lesbian cartoon here and there, but the focus was mainly on homosexual men so far. I got the impression that Lady Sappho isn’t into cartooning. In general, the majority in cartoons are made by men. But I was partly wrong.
Yesterday I stumbled on a few sites that have a lot to do with women, but little with lesbian nudity & sex. That is; lesbians must visit these sites by the droves…
To sum it up: this is a sex sector which is psychologically more complicated than I thought!
It created a dilemma, though, for this post. So to be able to swing more ways than one, I catalogue them all under the main course ‘dominating women.’ Which, in a way, goes for the lovely flat chested ladies in tweeds here too. They dominate their lesbian marriage and household, after all.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 26
…This is the worst episode so far. Please pretend you read something that I posted by accident.
Why is anal intercourse such a taboo? Are the *graphic content!* lower intestines smuttier than the vaginal cavity? Or do we hear the Holy Chastity Temple oracling once more?
If any hole outside a woman’s pee and birth canal serves no procreative purpose, this could be said as well about masturbating and wet dreaming. It’s the same old story: tough men don’t do the jerk dance, and 99,7% do. Maybe a substantial percentage of the partner-linked ones never cornholes, but that leaves enough guys who are enthusiasts. And don’t forget; the Simpsons may be cartoon characters, but they stand for Joe and Jane Average.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 25
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For hetero guys there’s the Holy Sexual Trinity: tits, ass & pussy. No, not quite. There is a fourth wonder: their own cock.
Homosexuals are even worse. To them, the malest of manliness is a gold plated totem that reaches into the heavens.
‘-But we gays have nothing else!’
Nonsense. All men basically pee in the same way: standing upright and aiming the nuzzle. What makes the hetero man slightly superior to the homosexual man, is that per sexpartner he has three orifices to his disposal.
I ain’t horny, I’m just drawn that way – 24
So it may have come as a surprise that not all homosexuals are sissies or wispy females born into burly male bodies. That the huge truckdriver with the booming voice and hairy knuckles with whom you regularly drink a cup of coffee at the highway diner has no wife and six kids but is living with another man.
The so-called macho scene among gays is quite prominent, and as the fantasy requires, comes in an utterly macho-male dressing. Lumberjacks, boots, leather pants, big bikes, big muscles and lots, lots of coarse chest hair.
I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 23
What do we call a guy like this? ‘Wimp macho’?
Them are over 40, proud of their love handles and hammy limbs and don’t bother themselves with regular shaves of their wavy shoulders. It’s like looking at a caricature of myself except that I’m not that, er, broad and I never wear carpet slippers.
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I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 22
80 lbs women with every bone and joint showing yet swaggering under a set explosively inflated boobs consider themselves sexy. For some mystic reasons very few men have the courage to abject this so-called standard beauty norm. Neither are there tons of vile cartoons on anorexia nervosa to be found. So maybe I’m wrong. A walking skeleton with two zeppelins in front does make millions of men incredibly horny?
And the women? Do they all desire tightly constructed superhunks? I’m told that Matthew McConnaughy and Ryan Reynolds are the ultimate hottties of today. For his photoshoot Ryan forgot to rip the primal fur from his godlike body, but I suppose his sixpack makes up for it.
I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 21
Gay men; they are born exhibitionists. If you meet on a nude beach ten retired widowers, know then that nine are homosexual.
‘Oops, carpenter (plumber, housepainter), you caught me fresh from my morning shower. Now where did I leave my bathrobe…? Did you happen to see it lying around somewhere? It’s a Liberace Pink.’
Where Playboy pin-ups these days coyly obscure their naughty parts, the Plato swishbucklers spread ‘m all over the street. They even use them in public, or let them be used. An overview of cartoon symptoms and remedies.
I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 20
Gays; a different breed. The heterosexual man doesn’t know what to make of them. He certainly doesn’t want to make out with them. Although he sometimes does. When he’s drunk enough. When he serves a sentence and has to take place on an inmate’s lap due to cell shortage. Or when nature knows something he, Homo Hetero, does not.
I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 19
Everybody, EVERYBODY (between age 11-111) uses internet for productive or digestive porn. Porn is an odd phenomenon. The procreation deed acted out – for real or simulated, dressed or undressed or somewhere halfway – to stimulate others who may not have time to procreate or think it’s a waste of time. The excitement over porn images mainly stems from the idea that one witnesses something one shouldn’t see. For the pastor, the thought of ’sin’ turns his member into a beast of burden. The 12 year old gets a stiffy purely from fear that his mother enters without a knock. Of course no Net Nanny program can stop the boy visiting harddisk-corroding websites. Net Nannies yield because some 12 year old boys simply fuck them.
I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 18
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Wow. This is the most prudent fully-
dressed SM cartoon I ever saw.
There are a lot of SM & Bondage cartoons,
but they all take their – quite pornographic -
content dead serious, and that’s not
what I intend here.
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I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 17
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~ Warning: graphic & immoral images ~
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Is this graphic? Is it funny?
How censorship, even funny censorship, can ruin a disgustingly funny cartoon.
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I ain’t naked, I’m just drawn that way – 16
A bit more on religious jokes. Believers can appreciate them as long as they don’t cross the borders of decency. Jokes about Adam & Eve; okay, there’s no evading their state of nudity nor the reason why such became an issue all of a sudden. But can’t you just replace that naked breast with a sticker NAKED BREAST? And yes, we know Adam had a penis, but do you have to slap our faces with it?
The fig leave – not mentioned in Genesis and an invention of Late Medieaval or Renaissance painters and sculptors – was often misused, because both classical and modern day cartoon artists employed the leaf in episodes where Adam and Eve had no reason as yet to hide their private parts. An odd expression, as all segments of our bodies are private parts. Including boils, warts and outer hemorroids. The leaf however was irresistable for them, it became a thankful object for laughs. This is one of the less tepid jokes about those damned fig leaves.
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